The Night Before Christmas

'Twas the night before Christmas

- well, the morning before

And flour and pine needles

Covered the entire floor.

All the shopping was done,

More or less, anyway,

And we all hoped that Santa

Might come by the next day.

The stockings were hung

Though by the stairs, here

Because in Orlando

There's no snow any year.

It was eighty degrees out

The sun was quite bright

And the heat was only bearable

In the middle of the night.

There I was baking cookies

When who should appear

But the Evil Christmas Squirrel!

Come to ruin good cheer!

It scampered and scurried

All around the whole home

It nibbled the tree,

The wreaths, and the gnome.

My mother ran out,

"It has rabies!" she cried.

My brother glanced up 

From a game newly tried.

My father swore loudly,

Diet Coke in his hand,

While I - I prepared

To make one final stand.

Though it was Christmas Eve

Time for all celebration

I knew change was called for 

In this situation.

With a spoon in my left hand,

Oven mitt in my right

I prepared for a battle

With the squirrel this night.

I looked into its eyes

And saw their red fire

To ruin our Christmas,

Its only desire.

The battle we fought

Was too epic for words.

Imagine karate,

And a duel with swords.

The ornaments were broken,
Christmas lights sent up sparks;
As I battled the rodent,
Making witty remarks.

After too much fighting,
My eyes growing bleary,
I slew the bad squirrel
Then dropped my spoon, weary.

Blood dripped from my hand
And I said with a smile,
"Merry Christmas to all!
Except squirrels, 'cause they're vile."

Seriously, I hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas with no possibly rabid evil squirrels! Eat good food, get good presents, and have a fantastic time with your families! Thank you all so much for reading, and I love each and every one of you!